Patently Golf

 

Golf Equipment

- some of the funniest inventions

 


HEEL MOUNTED SAND TRAP RAKE FOR GOLF SHOES

US5109617

“ there is often frustration in that the rake may be missing...easily adjusted to be readily accepted and used.”



Readily accepted !!??? Just imagine the look on the pro’s face as you stride into the shop to pay your green fee, or your playing partners’ as you confidently approach the first tee....

 

 

HEADBAND GOLF PUTTER

 US6846244

“ the club is attached to the players head with the use of a headband. Thus, the players must bend over the ball, place their hands on their knees and swing the club by turning their head from side to side. The club has an adjustable length shaft that telescopes in and out to accomodate players of varying heights.”

For those with an extreme case of the yips maybe??

“So... Sir has tried both the broomhandle and the belly putter...ah yes, we have just the thing!”

 

 

 

 

ROBOGOLF - A PNEUMATIC GOLFER

US2005115548

“ Robogolfer 1 allows an individual to simulate a conventional golf shot by controlling the direction, loft and distance of the golf ball....”

“ I know what your thinking...have I fired five or six balls...so punk, do you feel lucky?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOOL FOR PREVENTING GOLF BALL BEING STOLEN

JP9107863
“ an electroconductive ball is supported on the ball stand. When a bird, such a crow comes down ..the circuit system is closed.”

If a bird is brave enough to attempt to steal a ball just as you’re about the drive off...well,  I think he deserves it.

It’s sort of “chicken” for crows.

 

 

 

EXTENDING GOLF CLUB

US5496029

“ an adjustable golf shaft for a golf club which allows a child to use the same set of clubs during childhood and into his or hers teenage years..”

“ Dad, can I have some new golf clubs?”

“ Now son, your Mother and me, we planned ahead when you were three years old and bought you these special ones that grow as you grow...”

“ Yes, but I’ve just turned sixteen and I’m 6’ 4’’ tall and everybody’s laughing at me...”

 

 

 

HARNESS FOR TOWING GOLF CART

US2006021114

“ using this harness facilitates comfortable walking with upper body completely unencumbered by carrying a golf bag or grasping the handle of the pull cart”.

“I just clip it on and away I go...completely unencumbered!”

 

 

 

 

 

SHOULDER PAD FOR WOMEN GOLFERS

JP2000034608

“ paper napkin...to protect a shoulder part of clothes of a woman playing golf from becoming dirt due to touching of a cheek, the chin or the like of the player to stick a cosmetic, a sunburn cream, or the like on it.”

” Hey, honey, whilst I was in the shop getting some drinks I bought you this!”

Icy glare and silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMPROVEMENTS IN THE MANUFACTURE OF GOLF BALLS

Bull reluctant to pose for picture


GB191216488

“ the core of a golf ball made from a bull’s p*nis first prepared by skinning and drying...”


“ I’ve been putting like a demon today! The ball just wants to go into any hole in the vicinity...it’s like it has a mind of it’s own...”

 

 

 

GOLF BALL HOLDER

JP9122282

“ to resolve the troublesomeness to carry a golf ball with a hand. When the ball holder is supported on the stick in the movement during the competition or a rest, the golf ball is not required to be carried by the hand or other means, and the troublesomeness caused by the movement can be resolved. ”

Ah yes...the troublesomeness of carrying a ball in the hand. Thank goodness for this handy tool.

 

 

 

 

GOLF BALL AND TEE POSITIONER

US5330178

“ apparatus is provided for placing a golf ball and a tee in the ground”.

Once you’ve got over the troublesomeness of carrying a golf ball in your hand, presumably this apparatus gets over the troublesomeness of bending down to tee it up..and so discretely too. Your friends will never even notice. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SWING TRAINING DEVICE

US5174575

“ a flexible strap extends from a point on the shaft of the golf club just above the clubhead to a point on the golfer’s forearm.....the housing is strapped to the golfers forearm by a plurality of adjustable straps”

 

A plurality of broken bones being the result maybe??

It’s reminiscent of the scene in the movie “Escape to Victory” when they have to break  Sly Stallone’s arm...

 

 

 

 

COMPRESSED GAS POWERED PUTTER

US6183372

“ A putter blade is attached to a pneumatic cylinder. Also attached to the head is a sealed hollow shaft (serving as a compressed gas reservoir) and a cleated foot. Mounted on the shaft are a pressure gauge, a pressure relief valve, a pneumatic switch, a hand grip, and pneumatic tube and fittings connecting the shaft/reservoir, switch and cylinder. Also attached to the shaft (removable) is a bicycle pump used to fill the reservoir. After pressurising the shaft/reservoir, pressing the pneumatic switch will stroke a golf ball without requiring the operator to swing the putter.”

“Thank goodness I’ll never have to swing my putter again now I’ve got my new trusty device. And nobody will laugh at me ever. Honest.”

 

 

 

ELEPHANT HAZARD GOLF HOLE

US2004077429

“ a golf ball enters the trunk opening, the pivoting trunk is raised, and the golf ball travels through the interior of the elephant. The ball exits the rear end to simulate the elephant pooping the ball. The trunk is raised by operating a tail lever. Operation of the tail lever is accompanied by visual and acoustic effects.”


Should be incorporated for major tournament use immediately.

“This straightforward putt for the Masters... “

 

A GOLF TEE ON A CORD

 GB2345447

“Golfers often become attached to a favourite tee which they are disappointed to lose....the tee may have a pointed portion of substantially rigid material such as aluminium or steel”.

With a bit of practise this might also be a cheap way of performing your own surgical procedure, such as a vasectomy.

 

 

 

GOLF TRAINING AID 

GB2418620

“ a golf training aid comprises a shaft, with a grip at one end and disc attached to other end”. As it states on the original technical drawing shown “PINT GLASS ( NOT PART OF PATENT )

“So I just put my beer glass on here and viola! A text-book swing..”

 

 

 

 

 

GOLF TRAINING SEAT

US2005272519

“ a seat supported by one telescopically adjustable post that the golfer positions between the legs to maintain the proper stance, swing and follow through with only pivoting of the seat and post ...and not sway or vertical motion allowed during the entire swing and follow through...saves on the cost of golf lessons!”

Quite possibly invented by somebody who has never actually played golf or paid for golf lessons.

 

 

 

GOLF SWING TRAINING DEVICE

 US2005266929

“ A golf club for training golfers is disclosed. A specific club head shape encourages the golfer to envision impacting the golf ball with the back of the leading hand”.

 

“Now you don’t think we’re taking this imagination thing a bit far do you??”

“Trust me...they’ll be flying off the shelves and here’s the new 460cc hot-faced Driver version!”

 

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